Blackburn2Bangalore

Well after what must seem like the search of his life, and I suppose it is, Sudhi has now finally committed himself to marriage. Or should that read Sudhi has now finally been committed to marriage? The whole ceremony of his engagement was more a contract between two families, than an arrangement between 2 people. That said, I think he is happy

Sudhi has been waiting for this day as long as I’ve known him (3 years) and he has always told me that I must attend his wedding. Well, after much searching, false positives of astrological compatibility, and endless teasing by me, he has finally found ‘the one’ to spend the rest of his life with. Needless to say the poor bloke is nervous as anyone would be about the whole situation, especially as he hardly knows his fiancé! On Friday, before the engagement on the Sunday, we were talking about it and he informed me he was planning to be ‘out of station’ (an Indian term meaning ‘away’ or ‘out of the city’) on the Sunday. Had he been, I don’t think he’d have been able to come back!

From a ‘western’ point of view the engagement was highly ritualised affair, more akin to a wedding than an engagement. Although, I think in a way it is a wedding of families, there was surprisingly little involvement by the two of them. It was nonetheless an interesting day, and culturally something we are not used to in our society.

On the left are the ‘happy couple’, Sudhi and Nagamanjari as things get started. They’ve just lit the candles on the brass thing infront of them, I believe it’s supposed to represent starting something new. On the right they are with their respective parents.

Sudhi had very kindly arranged for a friend of his to come and pick me up. Having been to the engagement, I don’t think I could find the place again if I tried, so just as well he did!

After arriving at the hall for the engagement, in true Indian style, I was ushered to the dining area for breakfast. I have no photograph, but it was a long narrow room with tables at either side running the length of the room, with plastic chairs placed so you were sat at the tables facing the centre. Breakfast was typical South Indian style, which I’m not really sure what it consisted of (sorry Sudhi for being ignorant), but was served on a banana leaf by people walking the length room spooning the various parts from a steel bucket on to your banana leaf. I probably make it sound a lot worse than it is, but the food was tasty and I can’t complain. I am glad it was more like lunch time, as good as the food was, I don’t think I could face such spicy food had I just got up and had this kind of breakfast. I know Sudhi was desperately concerned about what I could eat, despite me keep telling him that I wouldn’t die of starvation in a day, and I was happy to try anything. I wouldn’t live in India if I wasn’t prepared to at least try the local food. I think my being there, eating the food, probably amused a few people. I was asked a couple of times if I wanted a spoon, but politely declined and ate with my fingers like everyone else. It’s not always easy to blend in as a white person in Bangalore, but you have to try!

After breakfast, it was a case of refusing countless people’s offer to sit down. I didn’t want to, I was happy to stand and wander round taking photos. Fortunately, there were a few people there I knew so I got on OK. Also, Sudhi seemed to have little to do, so he spent a while chatting to me. Sesh was there also, and he kept me informed of what was going on, which was useful.

The ceremonies started, and you can see from the photo on the left, both pairs of parents, and a couple of priests sit down and start negotiating whatever needs to be negotiated with these things! It involved some fire (see pic), some bell ringing (again see pic) and a lot of chanting. At this point the happy couple are doing their own things at opposite ends of the room!

The chanting etc. continued until they had reached their agreement and the date of the wedding was formally set. Not surprisingly, it was the same date Sudhi told me a few weeks earlier!

Not everyone was interested (right), but most people watched on avidly. And took a few took photographs (Below left: Sesh and Pratima in the centre and Sudhi’s brother on the extreme left taking a photo). I think there must have been about 150 people there in all, which considering Sudhi wanted a ’small’ engagement, isn’t bad going! Mind you, I don’t think he had much say in the matter!

Once the parents had done their bit, there was a small break for a cup of (sweet and milky) coffee, before Sudhi took centre stage for his part of the ceremony.

For this part, Nagamanjari ’s family gift various items, including fruits, coconuts, and other assorted items you see in the photo on the right. They also put a garland around his neck. Judging by the smile, he seems to be enjoying it!

He also receives an engagement ring, presented by Nagamanjari’s parents and some new clothes for the occasion (below left). This part of the ceremony is her family giving to him, she is not involved in this part at all.

After Sudhi had received his gifts, he was then required to get changed in to his new clothes that he had received. Of course the clothes were very traditional and caused a few laughs! Here he is on the right, and his fabulous new shoes which if you look carefully in the coming pictures, he soon discards! I can’t imagine why!

To be continued…